Artist: Default
Album: Elocation
Released: November 2003
Movin' On marks a fairly big event in my life. As is obvious in the lyrics, the song is about a break up. For me I can relate to nearly every word of the lyrics, because this was not just a break up, it was the break up of my life. I'm talking this was my first true love and all that sappy stuff, 5 years worth of sappiness. We had half our wedding planned before I ever left on my mission for the LDS church, picked names for our unborn children, appeared in each-other's family pictures, owned furniture and even a dog together; it was generally accepted by our families and friends that we were one couple that would make it through the two year (no contact save letters, mind you) wait. Movin' On doesn't en-capsule all of the emotions I felt, but it does capture some of them. So, I tell you the part of the story it fills.
About 6 months before I left for New England, I caught my girlfriend (of 3 1/2 years at that point) cheating on me. Now this was not cheating in the sense that she was sleeping or fooling around or anything, she had just kissed some loser a few times, and was planning on dating him. We both held our LDS values and so kissing was as far as we could go before marriage. So to me this was treason in the highest, and we both knew it. Well to make a long story short, after about 10 tumultuous days we decided to work it out and stay together. I think we'd both agree that it happened mainly because of my efforts, but she held up her part of the bargain by sticking to my ridiculously strict terms (which even her parents questioned) so I knew she was committed. I can't be sure, but I think this would come back to bite me hard later on. Over the holidays, our families spent Thanksgiving together, and we stayed at each-other's homes through Christmas and New Year's. I got this CD from her for Christmas that year as a matter of fact. By the end of the holidays things were as good as they had ever been and I had no doubt whatsoever that she would wait. On May 5, 2004 I entered the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT. Three months later my mail from her stopped completely for 1 month, then resumed as if nothing had happened. 1 year later I found out why when letters again had stopped for another month. Needless to say my Augusts on the mission were worrisome. She had cheated again, this time it was much worse, it was cheating in everyone else's terms. That's why the mail stopped my first august, and that's apparently why it stopped again in my second august. So in the chorus when Dallas Smith sings "the last time I gave in, the next time I'm leaving" you can understand how it fits perfectly. I didn't pursue her when I got home, not because I couldn't forgive her again, or because I didn't care for her anymore. Quite the contrary, I thought I had buried all of my feelings for her during the last 6 months of the mission, but when I got home we spent a day together, and I realized that there was a lot left in the feelings bank "I miss the love that you've misplaced".
Her parents (whom I still love) asked me if I was thinking about trying to patch things up, and her father especially pushed for it. I told them though, that this time, if anything was going to happen, it would have to come from her. I forgave her, I still cared for her, but I couldn't trust her. I knew that if I didn't mean enough to her for her to stick her neck out and pursue me, and put in the work to make things happen, then it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't have worked. I would've always be wondering/fearing if she was thinking about someone new. "Sharin' trust wore thin, I'm movin' on" that simple statement summed it all up for me.
The song starts out with a soft guitar and slow beat. It sets a very laid back feeling, almost like a chilling out song, but builds towards a valiantly trudging chorus. It gives me the closest thing to closure that I have on the subject matter. The way the guitars are played you get the sense of something extremely difficult, but also an overwhelming calm, that everything is going to be alright. I see this most clearly in the bridge "you pushed me off, you pushed me off, your secrets out. Don't pick me up, don't pick me up, I'll climb out". Even though the event that you feared the most in life has come to pass, there is still a light shining for you somewhere. You just have to be strong enough to find it.
To take not give your only way
You used up all I have each day
Whispers of where your head has laid
It's hard to ignore all the things that they say
The last time I give in
The next time I'm leaving
Sharin' trust wore thin
I'm movin' on
Each time you say you'll be home late
I pray to God that you'll behave
I miss the love that you've misplaced
My love not something to be played with
The last time I give in
The next time I'm leaving
Sharin' trust wore thin
I'm movin' on
You pushed me off
You pushed me off your secrets out
Don't pick me up
Don't pick me up
I'll climb out
The last time I give in
The next time I'm leaving
Sharin' trust wore thin
I'm movin' on
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